e.e. Cummings

Life works itself out very curiously. I got a raise at work, which is great, I had a fantastic review- while all the while I thought I was going to get fired.

One thing on my mind that I am really battling with is the use of anti depressants. On one hand, it seems like a great solution to my being sad and destructive all the time. While on the flip side of that, I of course have a stigma against drug use in general, so I feel like an enormous hypocrite, and I also feel like this is a the weak mans escape. Through talking to others I have gained pretty valuable viewpoints. Some think it is a horrible idea and that I should stop taking them, with opinions being that they are bad for your health and addictive. Others have said, if its something that makes you feel better, fuck what anyone else has to say. Essentially this is all my choice, and really- I have made no real standpoints on the issue. I also haven't noticed too much of a change in myself. I still get sad sometimes and cry, and other times I am really super happy and very social (which is very strange if you know me well, I am very socially awkward).

Art is completely fulfilling my life right now. I could think of no better point in my life to be taking 3 studio classes. I wish I could even put into words how passionate I am about creating. There is so much life and possibility in our hands to just CREATE. It makes me so happy to feel as a real contribution to society. I am making something that other people will see, and they will subjectively view and make their own judgments and associations about something that came from my hands. There is nothing else in this world that could make me happier.

E.E. Cummings is an amazing poet. His words are an art form, words of course convey meaning, but the lines in which they are arranged also create a visual picture.

"love is a spring at which
crazy they drink who've climbed
steeper than hopes are fears
only not ever named
mountains more if than each
known allness disappears

lovers are mindless they
higher than fears are hopes
lovers are those who kneel
lovers are these whose lips
smash unimagined sky
deeper than heaven is hell."

I need more stimulating conversations in my life. As of recently I find them hard to come by, especially with the lack of a certain individual who is no longer as consistent in my life. Is there really anything sexier than discussing the sociopolitical status of our world? Most people have the usual "routine" that, well, sexually turns them on, such a kissing of their neck, etc. But for lack of better terms, nothing gets me hotter than a good conversation.

I have an internet shopping problem. I simply can't stop. Recent Etsy.com purchases (at least I am supporting handmade arts, right?)