Monday, June 22, 2009

Drive me crazy.

As if a book revealed any truth in myself, Murakami would be the one to do it.

Even if I had my life to live over again, I couldn't imagine not doing things the same. After all, everything -this life I was losing-was me. And I couldn't be any other self but myself. Could I?

Once, when I was younger, I thought I could be someone else. I'd move to Casablanca, open a bar, and I'd meet Ingrid Bergman. Or more realistically-whether actually more realistic or not- I'd tune in on a better life, something more suited to my true life. Toward that end, I had to undergo training. I read The Greening of America, and I saw Easy Rider three times. But like a boat with a twisted rudder, I kept coming back to the same place. I wasn't going anywhere. I was myself, waiting on the shore for me to return.

- Hard-Boiled Wonderland

My scratched glasses reveal a Polaroid picture of the world outside those glass atrium doors.

I feel like its a good time to set personal goals for myself. Goals keep the mind fresh (or so I like to tell myself).

Goal #1: Eat better and lose ten pounds.
Goal #2: Finish new tank top knitting project by the 15th of July.
Goal #3: Become less needy.

Inlight of recent events its become more and more apparent that I have a habit of internalizing every and anything that happens. I am sure I can blame my parents blah blah blah. I never said they were perfect people and they know they aren't, but I do see how that habit has followed me in many situations in life. I also do see that my reconcilation and way of dealing with the blame usually becomes self destructive in one way or another. Making an effort to not internalize everything should really become a goal on my list as well, perhaps one of the most important.

My hands and my brain are fiending for art. I can't wait until the fall semester begins, I need my creative juice to start flowing and working again.

A couple of things I have been fancying lately.

Dizzee Rascal.

Real Housewives of New Jersey.


Cozies. Cozies for every and anything. Especially of guns.

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